I Wish For...
by Ron Weasley's Cutie
Summary: Another METMA challenge entry. Wishes, however, do not abound ^^


I Wish For…

Disclaimer - Don't own it, don't own it, don't own it! Well, actually, I own the Incredibly Horrible No Cure For Wizard Head Cold, but that's about it…

This was in response to METMA MANDY'S challenge, which requirements were…

-someone must have a "wizard" cold

-a dictionary must fall out the sky

-someone must say "Atah Ratzeh Ani" which means "You want me" in Hebrew

-a character's feet must smell bad (ew)

-it must be funny

-a lizard has to be present at least once

-Ron's broken wand must be mentioned (because what DID happen to it????)

Well, I hope you like it!

"Ah…Ah…Ah…CHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" sneezed Hermione from the corner. 

"Hermione! You have the Incredibly Horrible No Cure For Wizard Head Cold!" Ron gasped.

"The Incredibly Horrible what?" Harry asked.

"The Incredibly Horrible No Cure For Wizard Head Cold! Haven't you ever heard of it?" Ron said this as though it was very obvious that Harry was once again being ignorant about the wizard world.

"Oh…okay…"said Harry.

They were all in the common room (Harry, Ron, and Hermione, that is) that night, because something was bothering them…something…unnatural… 

"Oh God…what is that smell?" Harry asked while he held his nose with his fingers.

Ron sniffed the air and his lips curled into a disgusted expression.

"Ew…you're right, Harry…that does stink…PEW!"

"What smell?" Hermione asked curiously. After all, her nose was stuffed up and she couldn't smell a thing.

"I have no idea, but I think it has something to do with Voldemort." Harry said seriously.

"It _always has to do with You-Know-Who, Harry." Ron and Hermione chorused together._

Harry shrugged and began following the scent. Ron and Hermione hurried after him.

After they had followed the scent out of the castle and through the woods where they stopped at Grandma's house for some cookies, they came to a cave.

"A cave!" Hermione said excitedly as she pointed at it.

Harry rolled his eyes and they all walked into the cave. It was very dark and damp in there, but it wasn't like they were expecting it to be a magic place where the sun always shines and little white bunny rabbits hop around and slide down rainbows.

"Man it stinks in here…" Ron muttered. Harry nodded in agreement. Hermione sneezed.

"Hey! Look! Over there!" Hermione pointed at a bunch of bottles on a stone altar thingy at the far end of the cave.

All three of them ran towards it but when they were almost there, a giant lizard fell from the ceiling and blocked their path.

And it wasn't just any old lizard either. This lizard had on a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, a golf cap, a peace necklace, and it was smoking a cigarette.

"Like dudes…" said the lizard in a long, quiet voice. He sounded like he was high (probably was, too). "Like…why do you seek the three bottles?"

Harry stepped up and said, "Because there is this really bad smell and we want to figure out what it is."

The lizard nodded and turned to Ron.

"Like…are you Ron Weasley?" the lizard asked.

"Um…yeah…"Ron replied confusedly.

The lizard pulled out an old spello-taped wand and handed it to Ron.

"Like dude…I think you have something to say to this little dude…" the lizard said.

"Huh?" Ron said as he looked down at the wand.

"Like…say sorry to the wand, dude. You left it hangin'! You aren't supposed to do that dude!" the lizard rasped.

"Um…okay…" Ron looked down at the wand and said, "Sorry."

"Like…very good…now give it back to me, dude…" the lizard held out his claws for the wand. Ron gave it back to him. The lizard then turned to Hermione.

"Like…why are you here? It doesn't say anything in the script about a girl…" the lizard pointed at some papers in his claws.

"The scripts are WRONG!" Hermione yelled. "WRONG, I TELL YOU! W-R-O-N-G! WRONG!"

"Like…there's no need to get prissy about it…dude…" the lizard said.

Hermione took some deep breaths and tried to calm down.

"Like…I think you all can pass…but beware dudes…" the lizard said warningly.

"Beware of what?" Harry asked.

"Nothing, dude! Nothing!" the lizard disappeared part by part until only his cigarette was left hanging in midair. And that too disappeared with time.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all ran up to different jars. Ron opened his first.

Christina Aguilara (I didn't spell it right, I know) popped out and started singing, "I'm a genie in a bottle, gotta treat me the right way!"

Ron fell to his knees and Harry and Hermione yelled, "Shove her back in! Shove her back in!"

Ron worked the last of his strength up and forced the evil singing Christina back into the bottle. When he was all done, he leaned back against the cave wall, took a deep breath, and said, "Well, at least it wasn't Britney Spears! Then we really would have been in trouble!"

Harry and Hermione nodded. Hermione very cautiously opened her bottle next. When she opened hers, nothing came out. But then a faint whistling sound came to her ears. She looked up, and a dictionary fell on her head. (And it was BIG, too)

Hermione got all dizzy and said, "Oh…look at all the pretty stars…" Then she fainted. Ron ran over to her and shook her on the shoulders.

"Hermione! Hermione! Are you okay?" he asked in a panicky voice.

Hermione opened her eyes and looked kind of dazed, but she managed to say, "Atah Ratzeh Ani."

Ron smiled and said, "Been waiting for you to say that!"

Then Ron and Hermione went made out in the corner.

It was Harry's turn to open his bottle now… He took a deep breath, and pulled of the lid. To his surprise, out popped Voldemort!

Voldemort raised his wand and cackled evilly at Harry, but then he caught a whiff of something.

"What the heck is that awful smell?" Voldemort asked digustedly. Then he looked down at his feet, and sniffed. "Oh, man! I really need to wash my feet!" Then Voldemort ran out of cave to go find a stream to wash his feet in.

Now I just want to warn you, that is the kind of thing that starts the Bubonic Plague. You must have CONSTANT VIGILANCE to stay away from the Bubonic Plague.

Anyways, Harry had found out what that disgusting smell was, and Ron and Hermione had found out that they were meant to be, and Voldemort washed his feet in a stream with little baby alligators and piranhas (I think you know what happened to him). The peace lizard went on to give therapy to broken wands and their masters. That's all I have to say…but back to the ending part…

Ron was the last one out of the cave, and on his way out he spotted *our* video camera in the corner.

"Hey? What the…" Ron muttered as he got up close to inspect it. "Oh well…" Ron kicked the camera.

*static*

** **

**END, END, END, END, END!END!**

Not that bad for a challenge, I'd say…I could have done better, but that's life! Well, now you're going to have to scroll down to the review box so you can review me!

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toodles,

hermionefan


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